Not eating, not sleeping

For 11 weeks, hubby has been travelling for work, Monday to Friday, and then back home weekends. (So he’s home Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights).

Matthew was always a co-sleeping baby until a few months ago when we moved him into his own room. I would sit with him until he falls asleep and he’d wake between 1 am and 3 am, call for me and I’d go sit with him again till he fell asleep. When hubby started going away, Matthew got into the habit (or should I say I allowed the habit to form) of sleeping with me in my bed, normally only the Monday night. Then Tuesday to Thursday same routine as before, in his bed with me sitting with him. Only difference now, was that instead of calling for me when he woke in the middle of the night, I would wake up with this little face staring at me from inches away. I made the mistake of putting him in bed with me then, instead of getting up and putting him back into his own bed.

When hubby gets home Friday, Matthew just refuses flat out to sleep in his own bed. He wants to be close to hubby and sleep with us. Now I understand why he felt like this, he missed his dad, was scared that he wouldn’t see his dad again for a few days and that if he woke up his daddy would be gone (we never did this, hubby always said goodbye to him and never left while Matthew was sleeping). But it was the whole weekend. We indulged him (mistake I know but I think we felt guilty of Matthew missing out on time with his daddy) and we would wait until he fell asleep with us and then move him to his room.

This was the first week after nearly 3 months that hubby is back to normal, no more travelling, and things have been a bit rough with Matthew. I don’t know if it’s just an age thing and it’s something all toddlers go through or if it has anything to do with hubby being away for so long. Matthew is 2.4 years old and since Monday night, he refuses to eat. I know this is normal behavior for toddlers and they won’t starve themselves. He only wants yoghurt, biscuits (mini cheddars), sweets and peanut butter sandwich.

My mom picks him up from crèche in the evenings and then feeds him and my niece. Since Monday, he doesn’t want to eat when he’s there and tells her “Don’t want” and “Don’t like it”. We then pick him up, go home and when hubby and I eat, Matthew will normally eat with us, sometimes just out of our plates. When he didn’t want, we just left it and figured he’ll eat if he’s hungry. Normal. But he went to go fetch a bowl and asked for food. I dished the food in the bowl and gave it to him. He looked at it and gave it back saying “Don’t want”. Fine. But he kept asking for food. I tried everything and eventually just gave up and left him. He threw the mother of all tantrums and wouldn’t stop. We left him. Fast forward a little bit. Bath-time is over and it’s time for sleep. Matthew refuses and I want to tear my hair out. I sit with him in his room. I sit with him in the lounge. I leave him alone in his bed. He has a night light, hubby and I are both up and the light is on in the lounge. So it can’t be that. Hubby eventually went to fetch him and put him in our bed. Oh and bedtime is 8pm and we struggle with him to go sleep from 8pm to 9pm.

This has been our nightly routine since Monday. And it can’t go on. I am slowly going insane and I’m not sleeping properly because Mr sleeps like he owns the whole bed. I don’t know what to do and I know it’s going to take some drastic action to get him to change. He is fully potty trained and eventually off the dummy. (Oh and the night waking started again after the dummy “disappeared”). He’s almost 2 and half and still wakes in the middle of the night. I think in his whole life, I only had maybe 8 days of sleeping through the night.

Is his bedtime too early?

Too late?

Should we try to get more food in him?

Burn off more energy before bedtime?

Should I try to incorporate maybe story time in bed before lights out?

Maybe put all the lights off?

Try some lavender essential oils?

Or just leave it for now and go with the flow? It is my own fault we’re in this situation in the first place…

New sibling not to be

A few days ago I wrote about AF being late and that I wasn’t sure if Matthew was getting a sibling in the near future. Here’s a quick rundown of what the last few days’ “symptoms” have been and why I was so sure that this oven was baking :)

02 June 2013

AF due

05 June 2013

HPT taken with first morning wee – negative

Last wee before bedtime – slight reddish/pinkish tinge on TP

06 June 2013

Super sore boobs

Nausea on and off (not too bad)

Tired eyes

Cramping on and off

Slight headache

Still no AF

Speaking to DH on Wednesday about this “Maybe Baby”, he was super stressed out. His company was talking again about closing down his department in the near future and thus retrenching him. Finances are tight already without this also happening. So I do understand his worries. But he asked me if there was anything I could take to make that the pregnancy doesn’t happen. (Even though if I was pregnant, it would be too late to take anything, and he was essentially asking me about terminating the pregnancy.) This got me thinking and as much as I love my husband, terminating a pregnancy is something I will not do. EVER!

I thought about if I did do it, and we eventually got around to trying for another in a year or two. What happens if we can’t conceive? I think I will resent DH for making me go through it and then also hating myself for not fighting harder. It is so with great relief (and disappointment) that AF arrived late last night.

I am relieved that I don’t have to go through a fight with DH about keeping the pregnancy.

I am relieved that we don’t have to go through the stress of being unable to finance another baby right now.

I am relieved that DH and I can now look at each other again.

On the other hand, I am rather disappointed because I want another baby so badly it hurts.

I am disappointed because Matthew won’t know the joy of being a big brother just yet.

I am disappointed because my arms long to hold another warm little body, my heart craves to love another little soul and my body is so ready to carry another living being.

But so be it. Our time will come, soon. 

Doctor visit, meds, being late and a nappy cake

We've started with the first bout of illness for Matthew. On Saturday, 1 June, he started with a cough and slight fever, (temperature was between 37.6 and 38.2). I gave him Benylin for the cough and Nurofen for the temp. Sunday, same thing, only now he was complaining that his tummy is sore. And threw up twice that day. Lovely! Best part, I didn't have any stomach meds in the house. Sent him to creche Monday and was told by his teacher that we should take him to the doctor and bring him to creche the Tuesday (please, you're saying I'm a bad mother?"

Went to pediatrician on Tuesday, and only got one med for his chest, doctor said he was wheezing. I was there for his cough and tummy aches. Oh well. He went back to creche on Thursday but I wasn't happy with his progress and lack of meds. Took him for a second opinion on Friday and got loads of meds. He had a viral infection which could have affected him tummy as well. We walked out of there with Demazin for his cough, Scopex (she prescribed Buscopan but pharmacist gave Scopex) for his tummy, ACC 200 and an antibiotic. Mr is still on the mend 5 days later. Still coughing and a runny nose and complained again last night of a sore tummy. I pray this is not the start of another winter season filled with doctor visits and hospital stays.

Sick baby

 On a side note, I'm not sure if Matthew is expecting a sibling in the future or if my body just hates me. I have AF-type cramps, I'm nauseous, I get slight headaches, my boobs are sensitive, and AF is now 3 days late. All those 'symptoms' are exactly the same for both pregnancy and my AF. For the last few months, I have been getting nauseous a few days before AF and when that lady comes, it goes away. I took a HPT this morning and BFN. I stopped the pill 2 months ago because I ran out and then realised that my libido picked up majorly when I was off it and didn't want to go back on. The first day of my LMP was 5 May and I was due again on 2 June. Not sure if maybe it's too early to test? Maybe wait another week and if no AF test again.

Only problem is, DH does not want another baby right now. We have discussed having a second child but financially, we can't right now. We were going to wait another year or so, and this oopsie (if it is an oopsie) is  stressing DH out. I don't want him to think that I planned this because he knows how badly I want another baby. I didn't. I'm not sure if I am hoping for a positive (because I really do want another one) or a negative (because of DH). 

Oh well, here's hoping AF shows her ugly head soon....

PS: Here's a nappy cake I made recently.

This and that

Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it’s been 3 months since I’ve been on here. Bad Mommy! And all my photos are gone!!!! What happened?!?!?! I’ve now tried to get the pics back but I can’t remember which pics were where. Guess I’ll have to make up for it in this post 

So, an update…

First Matthew:

My Mr is now almost 2 years and 4 months old. He is talking up a storm and can string together 3 to 4 word sentences. We can understand him and he can finally make his wishes known now. We have times where he goes back to his baby gibberish but we understand him most of the time.

Deep in thought

Potty training went soooo well! It took him about a week to get the hang of the potty. He made a few oopsies here and there but that was expected. The next week, the crèche says that we need to get rid of the potty now and move him to the big toilet, as that is what they’re using at the crèche and Mr doesn't want to stand and wee. It’s been 2 and a half months now and I am a proud mommy of 1 fully potty trained little boy. He does all his business in the toilet. Tells us before the time, and in all this time, he has wet his bed about 4 times during the night. The only thing that gets to me a little is something the DH taught him. If we’re all outside he won’t go inside to go potty. Mr pulls his pants down and does his business right there where he’s standing. Need to work on this one a bit.

  

Potty time

Other than that, he is doing well. They've moved him to the bigger class at the crèche. He’s picked up so much more now and I can see how good the older children are for him.

  

My happy lil dude

Me:

I've applied for an internal position here at work and it’s been almost 3 weeks and I’m still waiting on an answer from them. Holding thumbs as this is exactly what we need. I’m struggling with the weight loss. I've tried the Paleo Reboot. I had every intention of going through with it but finances honestly do not allow for it. I can hardly afford a loaf of bread, never mind meats for the week and coconut oil and almond flour. Hopefully I can get this job and we can go back to being financially stable.

DH has been working in Hermanus during the week and coming home weekends. It’s the 8^th week this week. This has been extremely hard for more than one reason. Firstly, Matthew misses his dad and asks me every night when I go pick him up “Where Daddy?” This breaks my heart. And weekends, DH can’t go anyway without him. He’s obviously scared that if Daddy goes anywhere without him, he won’t see him again. Being a single parent is hard but at least it’s only during the week.

I am extremely broody at the moment, and on 8 April, after getting AF on the 5^th, I told DH that I was very sad that I had gotten AF because I wanted to be pregnant. He didn't take this very well. I understand that our finances is an issue right now, but it’s not going to be like this forever. But that isn't why he was upset. He then told me that he doesn't feel for me the way he used to anymore. In other words, he fell out of love with me. He said that even though I told him almost every day that I love him, he didn't feel like I showed it. It is very hard hearing someone you love with all your heart tell you that they don’t love you anymore. It’s been 4 weeks since this happened and even though I’m yet to hear an “I love you”, we are still together and working on it. Please say a little prayer for us that we can salvage our marriage.

Other than that, things are good with me and my family. We have some issues but nothing we can’t work on and fix. 

Oh and I finally wrote about something that happened to me when I was younger. It is liberating to finally get it off my chest. But I'm struggling with whether to share it... Need to think about this.

Potty Training

Potty training - such simple words but it can be so intimidating just thinking about teaching a 2 year old how to use the toilet. Something that is so natural to me and most other people needs to be taught to a little toddler. I have been fearing this stage of Matthew's development, thinking that I might not be up to the challenge. Will I be able to stay calm when he makes those oopsies? Will he catch on to the concept quickly? The only thought that's saved my sanity is that surely he won't be on diapers at 10 years old.

Matthew has surprised me though. He has taken to this potty training thing all by himself. We haven't even started the process yet and he's already used the toilet several times. For months now, I would put him on the loo just before his bath. Nothing would happen, except in the beginning some tears and stiff bodied screams to get off. Later he would just sit there, demand to get off, get into the bath and the moment his little toes touched the water, he would wee. Saturday past (9 Feb) he wee'd for the first time in the toilet! YAY! He gave this shy smile. I shouted, and clapped and sang a little tune, "pee pee in the pot-ty". The look on his face at my exuberant display of joy and pride was priceless.

Today, 4 days after that first time, he's used the loo every evening before bathtime. He's even once told me that he wants me to take his diaper off so that he can use the toilet. And last night, standing in the bathroom after I've undressed him, he stands in front of the toilet and starts singing "pee pee....pee pee". *be still my beating heart*

Yes, potty training seems intimidating. But my little (big) boy has grabbed this bull by the horns and is making it his own. 

The creche he's attending starts potty training when the toddlers are 2 years and 3 months old. In their experience, this is the best time to start. Matthew will be starting in late April (after the 21st) or in the beginning of May. I'm proud, excited for this new stage of development but also feeling a bit sad as my baby is now no more a baby....He's turning into a big boy right in front of my eyes. 

I need to remember to cherish the little things, to make the most of our moments together and to kiss and hug  him as much as he'll let me because all too soon, he'll be too big for all of that. I need to remember how his little body feels on my lap when he snuggles by me just before bedtime, how his little lips feel when he showers me with wet kisses, how those small arms feel wrapped around my neck, how his little voice sounds when he looks for me and calls 'Mama?'. I can't believe how a simple thing like potty training would make me feel so sad and proud at the same time.....

First Haircut

As much as I hated to do it, Matthew needed a haircut. His hair was long, was irritating him in his neck and around his ears and it was making him perspire. I just wanted a trim, take off some of the length but keep the curls. So off we went to a nearby salon.

Matthew refused to sit in the chair, so I had to sit with him on my lap. He refused to wear the towel and cape but I distracted him enough that the stylist could put it on. He didn't like that she came near him with the scissors but luckily my sister was having her hair done as well and could help with the distractions. Then Matthew started crying, and crying and he didn't stop!

He sat still through the whole haircut but cried the entire time. I looked to see what the stylist had done so far and I was happy. When she asked me if she must "open" his ears (cut the hair away from his ears) I agreed. Then I tried my utmost to distract Matthew by looking into the mirror, looking for my sister in the salon, looking at the phone, at the people walking in the mall. Nothing stopped his tears. When I looked again, the stylist had taken off so much more than what I had asked! I told her that his hair is too short. She told me that it's not and that I was just used to seeing him with long hair. WTF!!?!? You got scissor-happy and went crazy on my boy's head! All his curls are gone! *cry*

Luckily it's only hair and it will grow back but hubby wasn't impressed with the short haircut. And I don't think Matthew did too badly for his first time. Yes he cried, but he sat still the whole time. I don't think we'll be going back to that stylist, although I like the salon. Maybe we can just ask for someone else next time.

Top row - The before pics
Middle row - Crying throughout the cut
Bottom row - Finished product (see, no more curls)

Birthday post

So we decided not to have a birthday party for Matthew but rather have a small cake and tea party on the day and take him out on the weekend. 

EDIT: 22/01/2013

So the evening was good. Matthew had fun and was spoilt rotten. He received the following as gifts:

Mommy and Daddy - play garage for all his cars and a toy motorbike
Grandpa and Grandma - 2 x shorts and 2 x sweaters
Aunty Nicole - Big dump truck with duplo blocks
Aunt S and Uncle A - 1 x Mega trains book and 1 x Barney ABC book
Aunt M and Uncle M - Big 4-wheeler 

(Must still take a pic of his gifts)

Here's some more pics of the rest of his day...

 

                 

 And another pic of the cake:

 I'm pleased with the day the turned out. Matthew seemed happy and the cake was delicious! Now for our day out on Saturday!