Thursday, August 20, 2015

We've moved

Shew, it's been forever since I blogged here. Almost a year! 

Life is good and Ethan is almost 1. I've moved the blog over to a new spot. Please come along and follow Muller Kids

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Ethan's Birth Story

It's really hard writing this. I don't know where to start to do justice to this story. I don't want to portray this as a bad experience when such a wonderful gift was given to us in the end. But I do want to be honest and maybe someone can learn something from my experience. It wasn't all bad but it wasn't what I wanted and I had to really push my doctor for some things. Anyway, here's Ethan's birth story...

12:30 am - I woke up with pain in my back. Worried it's another gallstone episode but secretly also hoping it's Ethan on his way.
12:45am - I got into the shower. The warm water was wonderful on my back. But the pain is excruciating.
1:00 am - The back pain is bad. Definitely think it's gallstone pain. Matthew wakes up at this time.
1:15 am - I try walking around in the lounge but the pain is not subsiding. It's a constant pain not at all what I think contractions will feel like. I'm feeling tired so I lay down but the pain is too bad. I used the toilet twice.
1:45 am - I wake hubby and tell him we need to go to the hospital. I end up throwing up first.
2:00 am - We drop Matthew with my sister. Hubby flies to hospital. Make it in 15 minutes.
2:20 am - We check in at labour and delivery
2:30 am - I am hooked up to the monitor, pain is receding
2:40 am - The doctor is called. Nurse asks if I want something for the pain, recommending I take the pethidine injection. I refuse and ask to go home. The pain is gone and I feel no contractions
3:00 am - The nurses don't want me to leave. Pain is gone and I just want to go home and sleep. Nurses push pethidine injection. Saying it's in my best interest to take it. I get told some women contract better after taking the injection. I still refuse, having to literally shout at the nurses to leave me alone and that if I want pain meds I'll ask for it. (Had pethidine with Matthew's labour and it did nothing besides make me tired. The pain was still there. Didn't want to go through the same thing this time)

3:15 am - The doctor is called again. He says I must wait till he gets there so that he can assess me
4:00 am - I am hooked up to monitors again. Apparently I'm having contractions but I'm not feeling anything
4:30 am - The doctor shows up. He does an internal exam, I am only 1.5 cms dilated
4:35 am - Doctor ruptures my membranes. He didn't ask if he can. (I feel he did this so that I couldn't leave, as I was adamant about labouring at home instead of at the hospital). I'm told baby isn't engaged and being a previous c-sec patient I'm high risk, that's why I can't leave.
4:40 am - A drip is inserted for just incase and I have to remain on the monitor
4:45 am - I ask if I can move around and get off the monitors. Doctor agrees saying it should help (I know this, thus requesting to be disconnected). I am still feeling nothing from the contractions
4:50 am - I am feeling down and cry a little. I am disappointed with the rupturing of my membranes, doctor saying that baby isn't engaged and that if it was up to him he would call the anaesthetist immediately to do spinal block for c-sec (still can't believe he says this to me)

5:05 am - I am off the monitors and sitting/bouncing on exercise ball. Starting to feel contractions a little bit but it's not bad, like mild period cramps. More like tightenings of my uterus.
5:15 am - Hubby is snoring on lazy boy - poor guy. Only had about 2 hours sleep
Taking a quick nap

5:30 am - I'm told to walk the halls. The other rooms have filled up now so its a bit uncomfortable roaming the halls in that flattering hospital gown.
6:05 am - I'm put back on the monitors
6:20 am - Starting to feel contractions now. Can anticipate them and then see how strong they are on the monitors

Printout from monitors
7:00 am - Taken off the monitors. Doctor checks again and says I'm heading for 2cms. Says he'll be back between 10:30 and 11:00 to reassess. I'm starting to give in and waiver about telling the doctor to just go ahead and book the c-sec. I'm starting to feel the strain of fighting for a chance to labour on my own and the way I want. And having to fight to NOT have pain meds.
7:35 am - Hubby needs to pop in at work. Says he will be back in an hour and I mustn't do anything without him

 8:45 am - Hubby is back. Contractions start to feel a bit stronger and more often
9:00 am - I'm placed back on the monitor
10:00 am - Doctor is back and I'm assessed again
10:15 am - He claims that baby's head is not engaged and that in his opinion I should throw in the towel. After my earlier crying bout and wanting to give in, I relent and agree to the c-sec. Just too tired of fighting the hospital staff. I'm worried I'm being a hard ass and if something happens to my baby then I will regret it for the rest of my life. I just want to trust my doctor.

The OR is booked for 10:45. Everything is a rush now. Papers are thrushed into my face. Medication is given with no explanations. I have to literally take a breath and calm myself down to ask what the meds are for, what the paperwork says before I sign. Hubby looks like he's in shock. I can't rely on him at this moment to help me. I need to stay calm to keep him calm. The nurse comes in and just opens my gown to start shaving me. No one asks anything. I feel like my rights have been taken away and they just want to get this over and done with so that they can clean the room and get another patient in there.

I am rushed to the OR with hubby pushing the incubator. Get to the theater and hubby is given scrubs to change into. I get taken into the OR alone to get prepped (with Matthew, hubby never left my side). The anaesthetist was fantastic. All this time my contractions are coming stronger and faster. He calmed me down because I was starting to panic. The rush, no hubby, worry, distress....

My very own McSteamy!

The spinal block is inserted and I feel the heaviness in my legs. I start to get short of breath and try not to panic. I know why this is happening but it's uncontrollable. Hubby is eventually let in. I panic. My chest feels heavy, I can't breath. They start cutting and I feel this pushing pressure on my abdomen. 

Busy taking him out

Again, I know what is happening but the lack of control is causing me to panic. Doctors tell hubby to get the camera ready. I hear the shutters go off, photos are being taken. But I don't hear him. I don't hear him cry. Hubby looks worried. I am getting scared. I ask if everything is ok. No one answers me. I ask again if everything is ok. Someone says everything is fine. I don't believe them. I don't hear him cry. Just as the panic starts to set in, I hear my baby cry. The sweetest sound in the whole world.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

Ethan Brent Muller is born on 21 August 2014 at 11:22 am, weighing 3.77 kgs and 50.5 cms long. He is taken away to get cleaned. I get this lopsided view of my baby by my face. My hand with the drip is released and I can stroke his face. I just get enough time to say happy birthday to him before he is whisked away to the nursery. Hubby tags along and I have to get sewn back up. I start getting the shakes. This is normal but such a strange and foreign feeling. I get taken to recovery and stay there for the longest time. I have a male nurse assigned to me and it's so uncomfortable when he checks my pad to see how the bleeding is. These people don't know of asking if they can do something. I know that it's something they probably have to do but it would've still been nice to be asked.

First weigh in

I want my Mommy!

I am eventually taken to my room. I have to ask where my baby is. It's now been 2 hours since he was taken from me. The nurse says she'll go see where they are. Hubby comes to my room alone. No baby. They eventually bring him to me. He was crying because he was hungry. I can't believe they keep babies away from the mom for so long after birth.

It's 3 hours after surgery and I have to request something to drink and eat. I haven't eaten since dinner the previous night. I get told I am on a strict liquid diet until the next day. Whatever, I just want to get out of this place and go home and enjoy my baby.

Ethan had a bit of a "cone head". Meaning that he was starting to descend into the birth canal. Why would the doctor say that baby wasn't engaged? I am not very happy with this doctor....

My biggest regret is not having maternity and newborn photos professionally done. With finances being tight this year there just wasn't extra funds for this. I wish I had just found some way to make it work as my pregnancy was such a joy and I wish I had documented this. And with Ethan growing so quickly, I wish I had been able to afford professional newborn pics. But we have a healthy baby and a big brother that adores him.

So sleepy. Day 2 in this world
Big Brother Loves 
So proud!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

37 weeks and talk of c-sec

Second pregnancy –
 1.       Due date (as per LMP) – 27 August 2014
 2.       Due date (as per scan) – 01 September 2014

First pregnancy –
 1.       Due date (as per LMP) – 19 January 2011
 2.       Due date (as per scan) – 26 January 2011

How far along – 37 weeks 6 days as per my calculation

I had a doctor appointment yesterday, on 37 weeks as per his scan. We started out with a scan and doctor feeling my abdomen. We started talking while he was busy, about when to go in to hospital when I go into labour.

According to my doctor:
    a)      Should I notice an increase in mucous, loss of my mucous plug or a bloody show, I should make my way in as soon as I start feeling pains.
    b)      If my waters break (membranes rupture) I should make my way in as soon as possible

I asked why I have to make my way in immediately. And why I can’t labour at home for as long as possible? With Matthew, I waited 10 hours from the time my first pain started to the time I went into hospital and I only dilated 1cm. I mentioned that I don’t want to go in too soon because they will then put me on the clock and I won’t be able to labour as long as I possibly could before the doctor mentions c-sec.

He then says to me that because I am a previous c-sec patient, I shouldn’t be brave and should make my way in as soon as possible.  But on the other hand, I can wait until my contractions are 10 minutes apart before coming in. o_O talk about confusing….

I don’t think he was very happy with me questioning this and the fact that I want to labour at home for as long as possible, because then he came out and said that this baby is measuring big. He was measuring the whole time we were talking and he estimates his current weight to be around 3.15kgs. He asked me what Matthew weighed at birth (3.47kgs) and said that we can look at a 4kg baby this time round. And of course, if baby is estimated to weigh over 3.5kgs, then my chances of a trial of labour is totally out. He says he can’t see baby coming early and that he estimates his birth weight to be around the 4kg mark but we must wait and see how things go.

He won’t be available the last week of August (of course not as that is the week I’m due) and has scheduled me to see his partner (who is pro c-sec!). The partner will assess and evaluate baby’s weight at that time and we can make a decision then.

My problem is that there is no guarantee that this baby will be around the 4kg mark. Of course I don’t want to put myself and the baby in any danger by doing anything drastic but why do doctors have to scare moms like that???? If my baby and I are safe and not in any danger, why can I not have a trial of labour? I am so confused and so disappointed right now.

My doctor didn’t want to discuss anything concrete with regards to how this baby is going to come out yet, just saying we should wait and see. I am hoping against all hope that baby stays under the 3.5kg mark and that I can get a chance to birth him naturally and get my VBAC. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

30 week update

Preggy update #10

How far along? 30 weeks

Total weight gain? I've gained 1.3kg's in the last week, making my total weight gain so far 400g

Maternity Clothes? Oh definitely! But luckily can still fit into some no maternity tops

Stretch Marks?  Still no new ones yet 

Sleep: Still sleeping very well. Don't want to jinx it though

Best moment this week: No one specific moment. It's been a good few weeks and everything is so special

Worst moment this week: Every twinge in my side and back ache makes me cringing in case it's another gallstone attack. Need to get this sorted!

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: Loads!

Food cravings: Craving some citrus now a days. But that's it

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. 

Gender: It's a boy! And the name is finalised!!

Labor Signs: Nope, not yet

Symptoms:  Lower backache on and off, bleeding gums, leaking colostrum, shortness of breathe, abdominal cramping (like mild contractions) after being intimate with hubby - doc says it's normal. Then the occasional back and side pains that is so very classic of the gallstone attacks

Belly Button in or out?  Almost flat. I have a scar just above my navel where they cut to remove my appendix and there's a little bump just above it. Looks really weird and hoping it flattens soon. (This is still so)

Wedding rings on or off? Still on (super surprised!)

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy most of the time. I have days when my hormones play up and I can get super emotional (still true)

What I'm looking forward to: I'm actually starting to look forward to having him here. I still have a while to go but the excitement is starting to make an appearance

What I'm nervous about: Nervous about the doctor not even giving me a TOLAC (Trial of Labour After Cesarean). I've been thinking about this VBAC thing a lot lately and so worried that the doctor is going to find something wrong in the next few weeks and just go ahead and schedule a c-sec.

Baby Name? We've decided on Ethan Brent.

Movement? Yip loads

Thoughts: I am really sad that we won't be able to do our maternity and newborn photoshoot. Finances are not playing along right now but I'd rather spend the money on toiletries and diapers for the baby than spend that much money on a shoot (money we don't really have) (at least that's what I keep telling myself).

Latest bump pic

Monday, June 9, 2014

Our late night adventure (not really)

I had another gallstone/gallbladder attack on Sunday night. I just want to get all my symptoms down here in case it happens again...

So around 4pm on Sunday afternoon, I started feeling like I couldn't draw a deep breath. I just ignored it thinking baby was laying funny and not allowing my lungs to expand. I'm not even really sure if this is related to the attack but putting it down here just in case. Then around 8pm, I started with this pain in my middle back, almost as if my lungs were paining. I felt my stomach turn, went to the bathroom and felt better for a few minutes. The pain then started in my back on the right side, just below my shoulder blade. Running from the front to the back on the one side only. Under my rib cage just under the boob to my back just under my shoulder blade. It is really an excruciating pain and doesn't fade away. It is constant and the only waves are the intensity of the pain. 

I eventually tried to lay down but couldn't get comfortable. The pain just felt like it was getting worse. I was moaning through a lot of them. Trying to sway my hips with the pain but nada. Definitely not like labour pains! So much worse I think...

I threw up twice within an hour, I think it was from the pain? Not sure...

Hubby asked me 4 times if I want to go to the hospital but each time I just said no, it's fine, I'll cope. I was just waiting for the pain to subside, knowing that there is not much they can do for me at the hospital. Eventually, 3 and a half hours later, I told Mark that I can't take the pain anymore and we have to go to the hospital. We had to wake poor Matthew and get him dressed to go with us. Didn't have anyone to watch him at 23:30 at night. 

On our way to the hospital Mark asked me if we're going to the closest hospital (the one I've gone to with all my other attacks) or if we're going to the hospital where I'm going to give birth. Obviously I chose the closest hospital - they have my file with all my details and details of my last attacks.

Get to the hospital and they immediately put me into triage. There were still people ahead of me. I was wondering why am I getting special treatment when I realised that it's because I'm pregnant. I was sent to the maternity ward to monitor baby. Got strapped up to the CTG machine and had to lay there for 5 minutes with this pain in my side. Not sure how I'm going to manage this when I go into labour as those 5 minutes were the longest in my life!!!

I kept thinking they were monitoring baby to make that the pain wasn't affecting him but it later came out that they were worried I was in preterm labour o_O 

Back to the ER. Got a drip inserted, think this was just glucose. The doctor took forever to come but was actually only about 10 minutes. He monitored me and prescribed pain meds. Oh lovely!!! I can't remember the name of the pain killer all I know is that it was paracetamol based and pregnancy safe. They then put me in another room for the oh so wonderful internal exam?!?!?! I was like wtf? He just wanted to make extra sure that I wasn't in labour and that my cervix was laying where it should for where I am in my pregnancy. That was so super uncomfortable. 

I eventually asked if Mark could come back as I was alone this whole time. Matthew was wide awake and I felt like the world's worst mom for putting him through that. But he was in happy spirits just a bit concerned about his mom. Kept asking me if I'm ok, if they're hurting me, etc.

The doctor eventually said we can go but he wants us to go see my OB/GYN at the other hospital. My OB was on call only until 5pm and when they called him, he suggested that I go there. Oh my hat, another ride in the car. At least this time around without any pain.

Get to the other hospital, straight to the labour/delivery ward. It was so nice to see what their rooms look like and what I can expect when I go into labour. I was put onto another CTG machine again for 30 minutes. It was so nice listening to Ethan's heartbeat and see him kicking the contraptions strapped to my belly. 

Doctor eventually came out and felt about my belly a little bit. He said he didn't think it was my gallstone(s) but rather ligament pains. I looked at him like he was sleep deprived and talking through his ass. How in heaven's name can he explain the pain I was feeling like ligament pains?!?! He said he feels comfortable keeping me in but then realised that Mark and Matthew were waiting for me in the visitors room (yes, they didn't want Matthew at the back in my room) and said it's fine, I can go home. He said he asked the ER doctor at the other hospital 3 times if it's necessary for me to come.

We eventually got home just after 3am. What an adventure and one I hope to not have to go on again soon...

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Third Trimester

Preggy update #9

How far along? 28 weeks

Total weight gain? Loss of 500g so far

Maternity Clothes? Yip But I can still get away with a few non maternity items. Like my jeans haha

Stretch Marks?  Still no new ones yet 

Sleep: Sleeping well. Some leg cramps now and again and last night, the one side of my bum cramped!?!

Best moment this week: Seeing this baby move. he's started giving heavier kicks, so watching that movement is amazing. 

Worst moment this week: None really, maybe a day of sciatic pain but that was it.

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: Loads!

Food cravings: One day it's jam on toast and another it's plain buttered toast. But I must have a Bonaqua Lemon-Lime water! 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. 

Gender: It's a boy! And the name is finalised!!

Labor Signs: Nope, not yet

Symptoms:  Some groin pains, lower backache, bleeding gums, leaking colostrum, shortness of breathe, abdominal cramping (like mild contractions) after being intimate with hubby - doc says it's normal.

Belly Button in or out?  Almost flat. I have a scar just above my navel where they cut to remove my appendix and there's a little bump just above it. Looks really weird and hoping it flattens soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on (super surprised!)

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy most of the time. I have days when my hormones play up and I can get super emotional 

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment 23 June and seeing this little soccer player again. 

What I'm nervous about: Nervous about how Matthew is going to react to his brother. At the moment, he is lukewarm about the pregnancy. One day he will run full speed toward me and punch and elbow my bump. The next day, if he thinks I got hurt, he will be the most loving little person and asking if the baby is moving. :) Also, when I ask him if he wants to feel his brother move, he looks at me straight-faced, sighs and kinda rolls his eyes. LOL! Ai, just hoping he doesn't try to lay on his brother when he's here....

Baby Name? We've decided on Ethan Brent.

Movement? Yip loads

Thoughts: Wish I was more diligent with posting on this blog. I am still trying to take everything in with this pregnancy and enjoy every single moment. (Still applies) But also I am trying to research as much as I can about how to prepare for a vbac if things work out. I am really trying to get this baby out the normal way and not through the sunroof again.
Hoping to save enough to afford our maternity and newborn photoshoot.

Latest bump pic (haven't taken a pic in a while)

Comparison pic

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

We made it to 24 weeks

Preggy update #8

How far along? 24 weeks

Total weight gain? Loss of 300g

Maternity Clothes? Not really. Only a few items but need to get more with the colder days coming

Stretch Marks?  Still no new ones yet 

Sleep: Sleeping well. Still haven't really been waking in the middle of the night yet. Have started with some leg cramps but I just flex my foot and the cramp is gone.

Best moment this week: Extra strong kicks being felt now. 

Worst moment this week: Don't really have any worse moments

Miss Anything? Being able to take flu medication

Movement: Definitely feeling baby move now

Food cravings: I don't know how this works. I am liking Tempo chocolates and Schweppes Granadilla. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. I can go most days without a touch of nausea

Gender: We found out it's a boy. And we think we have decided on a name :)

Labor Signs: Nope, not yet

Symptoms:  On and off headaches, bleeding gums, back ache now and again, blocked/stuffy nose

Belly Button in or out?  Starting to come out

Wedding rings on or off? Still on 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

What I'm looking forward to: My next appointment 12 May. Feels like it's been so long since I saw this baby last. Oh and date night with hubby on Saturday! 

What I'm nervous about: Starting to worry about labour and birth. I really want to try for a vbac. Just hoping for optimal birthing conditions and that the doctor is in favour.

Baby Name? We've decided on Ethan Brent.

Movement? Yip

Thoughts: Wish I was more diligent with posting on this blog. I am still trying to take everything in with this pregnancy and enjoy every single moment. 

Toddler birthday ticker

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers