Misery

I can't stop crying today.

Partly from missing hubby - he's home tomorrow. Can't wait
The rest is from thinking about the baby we lost. It wasn't even a baby yet. But we were excited. And I had started making plans mentally. 

I can't stop Googling miscarriages and why they happen. And thinking about whether it will happen again. 

I have a beautiful almost 3 year old. He is the light of my life and such a joy. I thank God for him. 

I am falling apart and I can't let that happen. I need to be strong for my son and my husband. I need to be strong to make it through this retrenchment. I need to be strong for me. 

But it's so hard. And I am so tired of fighting it.

I am cramping and this bleeding doesn't seem to want to stop. 

I miss my husband and need a huge hug so badly.

I'm crying again.

Why can't I stop. Maybe it's just the hormones leftover or something....